People of Earth:

In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over “The Tonight Show” in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004, I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my “Tonight Show” in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the “Tonight Show” to 12:05 to accommodate the “Jay Leno Show” at 11:35. For 60 years, the “Tonight Show” has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the “Tonight Show” into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The “Tonight Show” at 12:05 simply isn’t the “Tonight Show.” Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the “Late Night” show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard, and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of “The Tonight Show.” But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet, a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the “Tonight Show,” I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.

Yours,

Conan

via | andrewsullivan and The New York Times

They argue that the bureaucracy behind intellectual property – license fees, regulations and patents – are now so misused that they drive up the cost of creation and slow down the rate of diffusion of new ideas. They also point out that intellectual monopoly (patents) are much like medieval trade monopolies which were proven to be economically detrimental.

And they push that patents only be approved under this criteria:

• their invention has social value
• a patent is not likely to block even more valuable innovations
• the innovation would not be cost-effective absent a patent

It’s an interesting piece.

via | Boing Boing

From National Geographic:

August 11, 2008—In a scene out of a Road Runner cartoon, a soaring sandstone arch has plummeted to the floor of the Utah desert, forever altering an iconic American landscape. But neither Wile E. Coyote nor the Acme Corporation is being fingered for this collapse in Arches National Park.

…

I’m sorry for stealing your content, National Geographic, but your shit was so fucking funny I am going to try and drive people to your article, ok?

via | National Geographic

Granny Feng’s tom cat has sprouted two hairy 4ins long wings, reports the Huashang News.

via | Ananova

most comedians rely on the medium of comedic distortion for their jokes but george carlin didn’t distort anything. while other comedians project a world composed of their own internal logic, george carlin relentlessly and unabashedly picked apart the many threads of illogic that drive a very real world. luv u buddy.

r.i.p.

via | AFP

fucking heart you buddy. r.i.p.

The torch is somewhere in San Francisco today. It has been hidden because of its high profile and all the protests.

“We treated it like a head of state visit,” airport spokesman Mike McCarron told the Associated Press.
(from Wired)

It totally reminds me of the inanimate carbon rod that got a ticker tape parade on the Simpsons.

Torch:

rod:

via | Wired

From The Hollywood Reporter, about the “criminal” finding an alibi confirmation via cutting room floor footage from the show Curb Your Enthusiasm, created by Larry David:

 Catalan had been jailed as the primary suspect in the May 2003 killing of a 16-year-old girl. His alibi? He was attending a Dodger game with his 6-year-old daughter at the time of the murder. But because it couldn’t immediately be proven, Catalan remained locked up.

…

“It just so happened we had a camera rolling with a wide-enough lens to have Catalan in the shot. But we didn’t shoot in very many sections that night. If we’d picked a different section, the man is still in jail.”

…

“You know, I think Larry did enjoy this whole thing,” Weide maintains. “The fact that it was so clearly inadvertent is what’s most important to him. This didn’t implicate him as having directly helped someone.”

photo from google search

via | The Hollywood Reporter

from Out of the Way:

It’s final. Illustration is art, illustration is fashion, and now, it’s Prada. James Jean, an ingenious illustrator, an icon for comic fans, is having his works stirring up the sensation in Prada Spring collection.

via | Out of the Way

First of all, there is a website to combat liberal bias? Is that because Tracy Morgan is able to find the humor in the fact that this country isn’t as racism-free as it likes to think?

Meh whatever. The kinda of a-hole that needs to contribute to a site like that just promotes the fact that controlling the media is more important than the issues.

They warn their readers that the following quote from Tina Fey on SNL a few weeks earlier contains sacrilege:

And maybe what bothers me the most is that people say that Hillary is a bitch. And let me say something about that: yeah, she is, and so am I. And so is this one (pointing at Amy Poehler). And you know what, bitches get stuff done. That’s why Catholic schools use nuns as teachers and not priests. Those nuns are mean old clams, and they sleep on cots and are allowed to hit you. And at the end of the school year, you hated those bitches, but you knew the capital of Vermont. So, I’m saying it’s not too late Texas and Ohio. Get on board. Bitch is the new black!

Is that not conservative bias toward Jesus-y stuff? Or perhaps prejudice toward the truth leaking out through comedy? Anyway, professional comedians sometimes use an old literary chestnut called “hyperbole,” I’m sure non ALL nuns are psychos. Sorry if you don’t have a sense of humor or a world view based on real life, and don’t tell me “mean old clams” isn’t an awesome phrase.

via | News Busters

btw: News Busters’ tagline is “Exposing and Combating Liberal Media Bias.”

from Associated Press:

NEW YORK – A prominent politician, especially one known for a certain righteousness, is alleged to be a customer of high-priced call girls. For comics, that’s a hanging curveball over the plate.

…

Spitzer, accused of being the prostitution ring’s so-called Client 9, was Topic 1 again with late-night comics Tuesday. “Not surprisingly, clients 1 through 8 were Charlie Sheen,” NBC’s “Late Night” host Conan O’Brien cracked.

…

[Comics] wondered whether the story would last long enough for [them] to make it a big part of their act and whether Spitzer is known well enough throughout the country.

…

For the second day in a row, Spitzer was the topic of Letterman’s top-10 list.

…

No. 1: “It’s Arnold Schwarzenegger. Thanks. I’m no longer America’s creepiest governor.”

weird thing is that comedy would be dead without bullshit in the world, so …. thanks for bullshit (?)

via | Yahoo News

Yay. I’ll admit I enjoyed the exclusivity of being able to use hulu.com in beta mode, but I’m glad it’s opening up. Nice to be able to watch a little Conan when you feel like it.

from AdAge:

The oddly-named site represents the two media companies’ quest to capture some of the consumer attention that has gone to other video-sharing sites, most notably Google’s YouTube. Hulu features clips and full-length episodes of well-known programs including “House” and “Chuck,” as well as some movies. NBC Universal CEO Jeff Zucker has described Hulu as a potential lure for advertisers who like online video, but are more comfortable with professionally produced content as opposed to the grainy, edgy and wacky material that makes it to YouTube and other sites of its kind.

via | AdAge

From Reuters:

Former White House political adviser Karl Rove defended the Iraq war and sparred verbally with hecklers during a contentious appearance before a crowd of about 1,200 people on Sunday at the University of Iowa.

…

[Rove was informed], to applause and cheers from the crowd, that cable television host Keith Olbermann had named him “the worst person ever.”

“Ever?” Rove asked, wondering aloud how he could have trumped Hitler, Stalin and Mao. “Worse than the person who introduced aluminum baseball bats?”

I’m sorry, is baseball hats an argument against being evil? Yikes, I would hate to get a glimpse of what it going on in that out-of-touch psycho’s brain. Scaaaaary. Images of burritos with human baby meat and their blood as the salsa? Sorry, I know that’s gross but I think that’s the type of thing that whets his appetite and possibly gives him a boner.

via | Reuters

US President George W Bush has said he is still optimistic there will be a Middle East peace deal before he leaves office, despite stalled negotiations. He said there was “plenty of time to get a deal done” in the 10 months left.

…

Shortly after Mr Bush spoke, Israeli tanks entered Gaza, sparking clashes that killed a one-month-old baby girl.

I like-a da Bush. He’s-a such a happy monkey

via | BBC News

DALLAS: Mike Huckabee, the bass-playing Baptist preacher and former governor of Arkansas, dropped out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination on Tuesday night and endorsed Senator John McCain as the party’s candidate in November.

I for one am glad I don’t ever have to say “President Huckabee.” That’s like saying “President Snarflepants.”

via | Herald  Tribune

Authorities say the 7-year-old boy’s only form of communication was “chirping” after spending his life in a bird cage-filled apartment with a mother who treated him like one of her pets, Pravda reported.

…

“When you start talking to him, he chirps,” Volskaya said.

Volskaya also said when the boy becomes frustrated by being unable to communicate with authorities using bird-talk, he waves his arms as if they were wings.

The boy’s mother has given him over to authorities, who have reportedly placed him in an asylum.

full article >>

Historically, insane asylums began as leprosariums in the middle ages. Then when leprosy was cured they were repurposed as loony bins. So, people think the boy is crazy, I can understand that. But do the birds in the ‘aviary’ think he is crazy?

From the wired post:

… we want people who walk by the doors to hear the nostalgic sound, “hadouken!”, and say, ‘Did I just hear a Hadouken? I want to check that out.’”

…

… Seeing the cartoonish cel-shaded visuals in still screens is one thing, but watching them move is quite another. I observed, standing there, that they looked like the illustrations in the classic Super Nintendo instruction manuals come to life. As it turned out, this was exactly Ono’s goal.

“Capcom has a history of great artists, and the paintings we have for the characters are really compelling. What we wanted to see if we could do with this was make a game that looked like those paintings, moving before your eyes,” says Ono.

That’s so cool to me. I love the illustrations in those instruction manuals. Capcom HAS always had amazing artists. All of those Capcom / Squaresoft team-ups had outstanding illustrators making the art for them.

Anyway, yay. Looks good! Nice one, Capcom. That’s a huge Hadouken right in your competitors’ faces.

via | wired blog

This is after Fred Armisen played Barak Obama and Jon Stewart cracked some political jokes at the Oscars.

dailymail >>

this lady stored hibernating turtles in her refridgerator

from the article:

Mrs Neely who runs the Jersey-based Tortoise Sanctuary, had to set up the fridges because of the particularly mild winter.

…

Mrs Neely said: “It’s much easier to maintain a constantly cool temperature with a fridge than it is with our ever-warming climate.”

…

Mrs Neely said: “I do sometimes keep a bottle of wine inside because it helps stabilise the temperature.”

Mrs Neely, don’t lie. There’s nothing wrong with being a turtle loving wine-o. That’s what this kid is going to be:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23277685/

from the article:

STOCKHOLM, Sweden – German researchers on Thursday launched a rocket carrying 72 small fish on a brief space flight to study motion sickness.

…

[Scientists] said the fish landed safely and appeared to be in good condition.

“They were very happy, I think they want to have another flight,” he said.

C’mon, science. Really? I mean I am generally on your side, but … really? Fish in space?